Re-Thinking Bitterness and Forgiveness?
Updated: Sep 10
Christianity, like any speciality, has its own jargon. Jargon we must get initiated into when we “get saved.” Sometimes that jargon is the biggest barrier people face in their understanding.
The Bible distinguishes mercy and grace. But can you clearly explain the difference? And sometimes, too, a speciality’s jargon slowly changes meaning, almost without anyone noticing.
(By the way: mercy is an undeserved pardon, and grace is an undeserved gift.)
THE BITTERNESS
So what about bitterness?
I bet at some point you’ve heard someone say, “So-and-so is unforgiving and become bitter.” It’s how it is used today: in English, bitter can mean characterised by intense antagonism or hostility; or resentment. But did you know that’s not what it means in the Bible?
Biblically bitterness is connected directly to false teaching. The root of bitterness (Hebrews 12:15) or gall (Deuteronomy 29:18) is the foundation of the corrupt tree that produces evil fruit (Matthew 7:16-20).
People aren’t bitter because they are unforgiving, that’s adding a modern reading to an ancient text. Really, bitter people are false prophets. And bitterness (false doctrine) spreads rapidly if left unchecked and needs to be removed (Ephesians 4:31, Hebrews 12:15).
So how did bitterness become connected to being unforgiving?
THE FORGIVENESS
That all started with the re-defining of forgiveness. Compounded with a book published in 1984 based on the premise,
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”
(Lewis B. Smedes, Forgive and Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve, Harper and Row, 1984)
Smedes’ entire argument was that forgiveness is an internal act for the forgiver alone.
But compare his opinion to Spurgeon’s view,
“Repentance and forgiveness are riveted together by the eternal purpose of God. What God hath joined together let no man put asunder.”
(C.H. Spurgeon, All of Grace, Passmore & Alabaster, 1886)
Repentance and forgiveness are joined together eternally by God. Sit with the thought.
Because that is not what is taught to the average congregation today. Today you will hear that you need to forgive without repentance. That forgiveness is about peace in your own life. That forgiveness is an act you do for yourself, independent of repentance, restitution or reconciliation.
And it is extremely likely that at some point you will hear a sermon saying you must forgive, so God will forgive you.
Many people don’t immediately see the logic problem in that last statement, so let’s make it clearer: If God forgives because I forgive, then logically if I don’t forgive at some point in the future, neither does God and I am now...un-forgiven?
Which is quite a quandary, because the last concept comes directly from Jesus’ own mouth:
For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)
THE NARRATIVE ARC
Nothing in the Bible is isolated, it is one continuous narrative arc. Everything fits together like a jigsaw puzzle to formulate a cohesive picture. And Jesus’ words are no different. Jesus isn’t speaking a new concept here, he is referencing the Law and the trespass offering.
Under the Law, making restitution had two parts: repaying the debt with increase and making a trespass offering to God (Leviticus 6:1-7). Without first repaying the debt, the trespass offering was not acceptable to God. The offering made atonement with God and allowed forgiveness - literally a pardon (v.7). It was all about the understanding that certain sins break two relationships: with the wronged and with God.
The Law extended restitution to both. But Jesus was likely deconstructing one of the Traditions of the Elders (the oral additions the Pharisees had made to the Law.) When it was finally written down in approximately 200 AD, this particular addition is translated:
Despite the fact that the assailant who caused damage gives to the victim all of the required payments for the injury, his transgression is not forgiven for him in the heavenly court until he requests forgiveness from the victim.
(Mishnah Bava Kamma 8:7)
They had separated forgiveness from paying restitution; this is the error Jesus was correcting. The ultimate restitution was really with God, but the Pharisees were claiming it was with the wronged (themselves). They were asserting they controlled whether God could forgive, making God’s forgiveness conditional on their own. Jesus completely inverts their theology:
If you don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you.
HISTORY REPEATED
But really they were also trying to do what we see happening today. The Pharisees were claiming paying restitution no longer cancelled the debt. Instead it had to also be requested: as a kind of emotional appeal. And most modern Christians read “forgive” this exact way. They think of forgiveness as an emotion or an emotional dismissal of the wrong, not as a debt paid in full or cleared (Matthew 18:21-22).
We see this explained in the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant’s conclusion:
So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses. (Matthew 18:35)
We can’t separate heart forgiveness from the debt. Jesus shows that it is the King (God) who holds the keys, not the unforgiving servant (the Pharisee) who ends up in prison (v.34).
THE NEW WAY
But the New Covenant ushered in a radically new kind of forgiveness – based on one sacrifice, once – between God and man (Hebrews 7:22-28, 9:12).
At salvation, when we repent (rethink) our position before the Lord and believe (have faith) in Christ as our trespass, sin and peace offering (1 John 4:10), we are at peace with God. We are forgiven, all sins: past, present and future are removed. We are imbued with Christ’s righteousness, adopted into God’s family, sealed with the Holy Spirit and given eternal life.
But:
If God forgives without repentance, then universalism (the concept that every person is saved regardless) is true.
If God forgives without repentance, then Jesus didn’t really need to die.
If God forgives without repentance, then sin/righteousness and grace/mercy become very blurry concepts.
It is exactly why repentance and forgiveness are joined eternally:
To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me [Christ]. (Acts 26:18)
THE OTHER PART
But remember, restitution and reconciliation has two parts: with the wronged and with God. Jesus fixes our relationship with God. However, the wrong-doer still needs to repent of their wrong actions for the relationship between us to be restored (Matthew 18:15-17).
I forgive when they repent (Luke 17:4), because God does.
After all, we aren’t even instructed to forgive our unrepentant enemies, but we are told to love them (Matthew 5:44). And when you love your enemy and they come in true repentance, forgiveness naturally follows, because forgiveness is about clearing the debt and reconciliation. Forgiveness isn’t a heart posture, love is.
And this is actually exactly how God’s love operates. He loved his enemies (Romans 5:10) and therefore sent his Son to make the way (John 14:6), so when we come in repentance, forgiveness is ready and waiting.
Because the first step is always love:
And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment. And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these. (Mark 12:30-31)
And when you love an unrepentant enemy you will pray for them, speak kindly to them when you see them, not think ill of them, and leave vengeance with the Lord (Matthew 5:44, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Romans 12:20).
But you’ll also be honest about them (Romans 12:17).
And that’s not bitterness.
That’s love.
Armed with the Word,
