Gifts from the Garden, Part 4: Bear ye one another's burdens

Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

Anxiety is a physiological problem that requires real, actionable solutions. I’ve detailed twelve strategies over the last three weeks. This week, we turn to answering the question, “How can I help someone else?”

But first, I’ll start by building a picture of the perfect storm. It’s the storm that caused my anxiety. (Obviously I’m just one person and everyone’s experience is unique and different.)

Imagine with me: you’ve just spent seven years on an extremely volatile mission field. In the last 10 months you have:

• Suffered two brain events caused by a severe illness, still have memory troubles to the point of not remembering words mid-sentence, and still choke at every meal (Physical damage to the physical brain)

• Moved interstate and left the one place that felt like home (No safe place)

• Had scarlet fever, strep throat and a burst eardrum concurrently, have spent over a month on antibiotics, and your hearing is still affected (Gut damage and new sensory experiences)

• Arrived in Australia on a holiday and are in and out of people’s houses, before getting stuck here with visa issues (No safe place compounded)

• Found your dad’s dementia is far worse than anyone had communicated (Emotional trauma)

• Discovered your family whom you haven’t seen in three years are busy with their own lives (Lack of companionship)

• Been diagnosed with an inflammatory autoimmune disease that includes yearly cancer screening for the rest of your life (Chronic inflammation of the body)

• Started medication for the autoimmune disease that causes night sweats, so you stop sleeping (No restorative sleep)

• Spent four months in holiday mode and have been eating like it (Further gut damage)

• Lacked purpose for the last few months as you’ve waited (No purpose)

• Been masking like crazy to manage the reverse culture shock, because you are  actually autistic but undiagnosed (Sensory overload)

• Are gearing up to finally leave, and you realise this will probably be the last time you see your dad (The final straw)

And then you have a mental breakdown: and the armchair Christians tell you that you lack faith.

Actually the exact words were: “That’s not good enough” and “Every man shall bear his own burden."

Most Christians already carry an internalised message of shame about mental health. Adding to it will not undo the anxiety – framing anxiety as a faith issue is devastating.

An anxious person actually only needs one thing from you:

Love.

That’s it.

It sounds simple, right? But we all know it’s not.

Love must be the motivation behind any action, because without love, your actions are meaningless (1 Corinthians 13:1-3, Revelation 2:2-5).

1. A SAFE SPACE

I’ve already talked about having a safe place. But people with anxiety also need someone who is a safe space. A space to be honest, a space to drop their guard (or mask), a space without judgement. A space to say out loud: “I’m anxious and I don’t know what to do. I’m struggling.”

They don’t need you to fix them, they don’t need unsolicited opinions or empty platitudes. They need you to sit in uncomfortable silence, get your own stupid cup of tea and then wash the dishes. They need you to turn up anyway.

When Jesus was transfigured, only Peter, James, and John were with Him. And when Jesus prayed in Gethsemane, he took Peter, James, and John further than the others. Even Jesus had people who were a safe space.

But it is a choice. You have to decide to be a safe space for someone else.

2. ASK

Amongst the descriptions of love in 1 Corinthians 13 is a phrase that can be translated: Love doesn’t wrongly assume (v.5).

Don’t assume. Ask.

Ask the other person what they need. Most anxious people know instinctively what they really need. And the low-pressure ask is really simple these days. Send it as a text:

I’m free this morning, think of one thing I can do or

bring when I come over. I don’t want to just assume.

A message like this from someone who is already a safe space, will get an answer.

When I had a mental breakdown and later when I broke my knee, people assumed bringing meals over would be helpful. And while I don’t want to diminish their kind actions, I do want to highlight my point.

I have an eating disorder called ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) – it is very common in autistic people; and it means I didn’t eat a single meal that came into our home.

People used to bring a meal over and the exchange would take 30 seconds, it felt like they couldn’t wait to leave. But if someone had asked me, I would have preferred they spent an hour sitting with me, than an hour cooking for me.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER HOODIE

3. PRAYER

Please don’t just pray for a person with anxiety.

Please, please, please pray WITH them.

Let me take you on a logic loop for a moment. Suppose everything I’ve said is wrong; suppose anxiety really is a spiritual issue. Shouldn’t that lead the church to pray more, not less?

But it doesn’t.

Prayer is powerful, and I’ve never met an anxious Christian who wasn’t already desperately praying for help.

And I’m going out on a spiritual limb to say this, but one of the reasons praying with someone is so important, is so you can lay hands on them (Mark 16:18, James 5:14).

The physical act of laying hands on an anxious person is a powerful biological regulator built in by God’s design. Touch during prayer triggers the vagus nerve–moving someone out of fight-or-flight mode. Your own regulated system actively calms their unregulated system, releasing feel-good hormones and providing physical feedback to their dissociated mind.

Laying hands while you pray isn’t just spiritual; it is healing in its physical nature.

4. TIME

Of course, all of these take time–regularly giving your own time to help someone else.

But there is another aspect to time: the length of recovery.

People often put an expiration date on helping a person with anxiety. If they don’t make obvious progress, they are seen as a lost cause. The reality is recovery from anxiety is a long term process. It can take months or even years.

Be kind to the person suffering and please give them all the time they need.

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Writing this particular article was the hardest one of all. Writing the first three articles in this series about the actions I took felt empowering, it was like taking a refresher course.

But this article felt different, because not a single thing I needed, was given to me when I needed it the most. (A shout out to the lovely ladies who now meet with me regularly. Thank you for being my safe space.)

The absolute worst thing you can do for someone struggling with anxiety is ignore them.

Anxiety makes you feel invisible. If you treat them like they really are invisible, you will make them sink even deeper. But don’t treat them like nothing is wrong either.

That’s just a different kind of invisibility.

All someone really needs from you is to feel loved. For someone to put in the time to care.

That is honestly all you need to do to help anyone who is struggling.

Just love them.

Made, just as I am, for His Glory

Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. The insights, physical practices, and biblical principles shared in this series come entirely from my own personal experience, scriptural study, and journey through severe anxiety and panic. This content is for informational and educational purposes only and should never replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always consult with a qualified healthcare provider regarding any medical or mental health condition.