Anxious Devotions
Has anyone ever gaslit you with scripture?
It works like this. You admit you’re struggling with anxiety. And they quote:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. (Philippians 4:6)
And suddenly your anxiety is something you need to pray away.
Scriptural gaslighting relies heavily on verses taken out of context. Because the above verse is referencing Christ’s instruction not to worry about your clothing or your food (Matthew 6:25-34). Not your overwhelmed nervous system.
THE DEVOTIONS
I’ve been told my whole life to ‘do devotions’. When I had a family I was instructed I had to do ‘family devotions’ and ‘personal devotions’ daily. Otherwise I wasn’t a good Christian.
I remember one time at a women’s meeting, someone asked me how I fit my personal devotions into my schedule. At the time, my husband and I had 3 little children and lived a very organised, routine based life. Chris worked 4 days a week and volunteered 1 day at the church, I stayed at home with the kids. To be honest life was pretty sweet.
So, I naively answered, “I do devotions every night before bed.” Immediately, one of the women in front of everyone said, “My husband always says, there’s no point tuning an instrument after the concert. Devotions need to be in the morning.”
As a twenty-something mum, my response was silence, intense shame and the feeling of not being good enough. These days, I would laugh and ask “Can I get a chapter and verse for that? Cause my piano only gets tuned once a year.”
THE RELIGION
How many times have you heard that we shouldn’t practise religion but have a relationship with God? We are then instructed to do devotions to build this relationship. Now, the word devotions isn’t in the Bible, but it means “religious observance or worship” (dictionary.com).
So doing devotions by definition is a religious practice. It can eventually breed guilt, because it just becomes another part of a religious to-do-list, that you inevitably fail at. (But hey, if it works for you, fantastic.)
It’s also why some people can religiously read their Bible and pray every day, and still have the same nagging feeling that they are missing something. I know I did. I read my Bible and I prayed every day for years, but the feeling that there must be something more to the Christian life was always there in the background.
So, I stopped doing devotions…
Because I read my Bible, and discovered something.
ANOTHER WAY EXISTS
We aren’t told to make a “time” for God. Instead, we are instructed to live our whole life for Him, and love Him with our all our heart, soul and mind (Romans 12:1, Matthew 22:37).
And that got me thinking about my closest relationship: about the way I interact with my husband. We talk through the whole day, back and forth. We definitely don’t monologue to each other for 30 minutes once a day, because that would be a weird.
That is the kind of interaction I had with my boss when I worked as a teacher. Every morning all the teachers met with the principal for 20-30 minutes, we then typically didn’t talk to the principal again unless there was a problem.
Kind of sounds like my old prayer life.
THE RELATIONSHIP
Now I pray throughout the day about everything; I am in and out of my Bible all day; I sing, play the piano, dance, and listen to godly music as I worship Him throughout the day.
And that relationship goes with me everywhere.
It isn’t a box to check every morning and then get on with the rest of the day. I don’t have to remember or get in a good routine, because God is a part of my life, as much as my husband is a part of it.
That’s a relationship.
God hears the good and the bad. The blessings and the struggles. He hears thank yous and please helps. He hears cries of joy and sighs when words fail me. He is the one I want to talk to about everything, and to tell everything to. He hears 'I love you’ and He speaks back by his word left for us. (And sometimes as a whisper.) Verses that come to mind, connecting the dots, understanding passages in a way only His wisdom can reveal.
HE’S YOUR FATHER
More recently I started making a conscious effort to pray to my ‘Father’. After 40 years of praying to the ‘Lord' I still forget but I try. I always knew He was my heavenly Father, but it still never stuck as a way to pray, probably because it is never what I heard in church.
I remember when my kids were little, they had finally gotten old enough to realise I had a name besides “Mum,” and they wanted to know if they could call me “Sarah” like everyone else. I told them, “Everyone gets to call me Sarah, but only 4 special people in the whole world are allowed to call me Mum, even Dad can’t call me that.”
There are currently over 8 billion people on this planet and they can all call him Lord, but only His children are allowed to call him Father. Claim that privilege and start building a relationship, the kind you have with your spouse, your parent or your child. Relationships are built on time, conversations and experiences together.
And that description actually fits with what the Bible teaches us about how to interact with God our Father:
Pray without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:17)
The kind of praying we so often practise is impossible to do without ceasing. But not when your prayer life is a constant conversation with God who goes with you everywhere.
THE INDWELLING SPIRIT
Every saved person is in-dwelt with the holy spirit at salvation (Ephesians 1:13-14, 1 Corinthians 6:19). That means, God really does go with us absolutely everywhere. He knows your every thought. Think about how Paul describes the Holy Spirit to Timothy:
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
The Holy Spirit isn’t fearful, He is powerful, full of love and has a sound mind. We can trust Him even when our own minds and bodies are falling apart, knowing He will safely guide us to our ultimate redemption. He’s there to help us in our frailty. He’s with us on our good days and on our bad ones.
IT ALL STARTS WITH A SEED
Relationships are like plants: they take time to grow. In the parable of the sower, the seed (Christ) fell on the good soil, but the plant still had to grow to produce spiritual fruit.
All relationships need honesty, trust, conversations and time together to grow. And the reality is, sometimes life gets in the way, and some days I don’t feel that close to God. But you know what, some days I don’t feel that close to my husband either.
A relationship with God isn’t about getting it perfect every day. It’s about continually growing closer together.
God already knows everything there is to know about me, better than I do.
Now, I get to plumb the depths of who He is.
Made for His Glory,
